I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
