I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
