it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
