K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
