just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize