Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
this beer tastes like vomit already
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
3pm strippers are depressing
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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