i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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