fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
