I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize