i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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