How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
