Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize