so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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