Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
