if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
