Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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