nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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