i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
