Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
