I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
