there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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