Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My liver just broke up with me...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
