i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You may now shotgun with the bride
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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