the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
