If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
