Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
