John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
