My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
