I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
