She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
