Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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