life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
