It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
