Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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