i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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