Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Four minutes until I can fart!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
