There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
