Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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