I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
