but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
