Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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