we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
