So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
