My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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