I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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