im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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