i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
