yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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