Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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