Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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