honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
vagina is talking i cant
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Randomize