so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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