last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
