Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
zippers are such a cool invention
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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