This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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