He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
cat food counts as protein by the way
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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