Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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