I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
