I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
