There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
