he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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