those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
