How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Randomize
