I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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