Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
