I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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