We won't sleep together?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Blood and glitter go together right?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dick very happy bro
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
