im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
