god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
