i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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